Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
