I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
