i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
