So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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