there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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