I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
