I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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