Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
