checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
