i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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