i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
