Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
