i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
