it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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