Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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