This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
