It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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