Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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