I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
