goodnight i made you a song goodbye
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
