So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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