You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
