Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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