Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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