9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
