Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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