I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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