I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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