I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
