Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
