Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
