I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
