I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
