Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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