you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
