Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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