Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
