He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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