Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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