I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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