what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
