Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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