so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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