If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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