dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's just like the Real World with babies
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
