I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's always time for handjobs
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just high enough for therapy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
