after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
