i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
