I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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