i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
