my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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