Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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