he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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