she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think your dad took our porno
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
