What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
