I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
