Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
