He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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