Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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