my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
