i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
