his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
