You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
