a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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