I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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