Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
