Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
