I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
