I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just high enough for therapy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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