And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
