Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
