I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
