She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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