I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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