This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
