forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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