Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
