I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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