My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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