if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
