He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
