"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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