So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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